Cheap therapy, evil women.

To say that I had a sheltered childhood would be a serious understatement. It wasn’t because my parents were conservative religiophiles with a minimal entertainment threshold or who believed television a window to hell, it’s just that we lived in the middle nowhere. The real world stopped where the pavement ended for fear of not getting back out. Let me put it like this, I still have vivid memories of using out-houses because plumbing hadn’t made it this far and I didn’t have cable until college.

Growing up in this rural somewhat detached community led to an initial outlook on life that was a bit rudimentary. Particularly for me in the area of women. Through watching the females in our family, I grew up believing all women to be nurturing, sensitive, honorable, forthright, and genetically incapable of nasty behavior. In other words they’re infallible, perfect creatures whose angelic qualities were necessary to offset the chaos brought on by the human male.

As I prepared for college, with its abundance of dating opportunities, I had every expectation the girls I’d meet would possess those same characteristics.  And even after I was cheated on by my first real love or when my waterbed was cut by a girl I wouldn’t go out with, I still refused to believe women had a dark side.

It’s been almost two decades since and in that time I’ve known and dated just about every conceivable make and model of woman. And through those experiences I’ve finally came to a realization that’s in contradiction to what I thought as a kid.

Women can be evil.

Not just evil but vindictive, jealous, petty, and mean-spirited are other fitting adjectives.

Admittedly some women are driven to these foul behaviors by the men in their life and the ensuing stupidity that comes as a result. But over the years, some of the most unpleasant behavior I’ve seen women dish out wasn’t leveled at boyfriends or husbands but reserved for the unlikeliest of targets – other women.

Females have a gene that apparently gives them the ability to see another female and within seconds know if she will like her or not, no interaction or words exchanged, just a glance and a conclusion. And should that stranger get the thumbs-down pretty soon what she’s wearing, her hairstyle, or her shoes become fair game. Now this stranger looks like a slut, is way to flirty, has on too much makeup, and those shoes don’t match her purse; all because she’s too skinny, has a great body, or is getting more attention. And if all else fails, she gets labeled ‘bitch’ by default.

But this isn’t just with strangers, best girl friends can go fist-to-cuff over the slightest indifference calling each other every name in the book (those a guy would be drawn and quartered for) and three days later act as if none of it ever happened. Chalking it all up to ‘her time of the month’ over laughs and apple martinis.

It’s well documented that men abide by an unspoken hierarchical system. Anytime two or more men are in the same room, each is trying to see where they rank on this scale, their job, the arm-candy, car, even their watch can factor into the formula. It’s a vile little game I thought only the male gender played, I now understand I was wrong.

Women have their own ranking system that isn’t much different from their male counterparts but with a twist. Unlike the men who usually acknowledge one guy is higher up the food chain and leave it at that, women may concede but it’s going to come with a condition.

“She has that big beautiful house, but has no sex life”

“She’s gorgeous, but it’s easy to look like that if you can get Botox all the time”

“She has a great job, but never spends time with her kids”

“I’d have a body like that to if I could go to the gym everyday”

Some might snap back, “I’m not like that!” Are you sure? You’ve never made a negative judgment call about a woman simply because of her model looks, 6-figure job, tight physique, or those $1300 Jimmy Choo shoes all of which you wish you had?

When I asked the Queen, (who admitted she’s been there) she felt and I tend to believe that in an attempt to feel better about herself a woman will defend her own inadequacies by directing criticism towards the person(s) who reminds her of what she’s lacking. That by raining on Cinderella’s parade, it will somehow make her own day a little brighter.

But here is the kicker; I don’t think this is a quality passed down from generation to generation.  My grandmothers and mother certainly weren’t like this and chances are yours didn’t have this proclivity either. Which means it’s a learned habit that’s spiritual suicide – plus it’s really unattractive.

So I ask you dear reader, is the Queen’s right? And if not where is it coming from and more importantly why does it happen? As the modern woman climbs higher up the corporate ladder making her own way in the world is she conversely contracting those same nasty symptoms that are a side-effect? If so, is this behavior then a form of cheap therapy for dealing with them?

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20 responses to Cheap therapy, evil women.

  1. Great post, women tend to be super catty that is probably why I don’t have a lot of women friends.  I will be the first person to admit women don’t get dressed for men, it’s the competition with other women that drive us to want to look good.  Sad but true.  I’m not a jealous person and I will be the first person to pay someone a compliment why wouldn’t I want someone to feel good.  Insecurity is just ugly, no matter if you are a man or a woman.

  2. Anonymous

    I first noticed this type of behavior right around the time the hormones, boys and girls, started to kick in. It’s always been about competition and securing the attention of a possible catch. Average women have to do something, heh. When I look at the pic you have above I have to admit I don’t care much for blatant in your face cleavage. Hmmm…..classy Sophia or a fully exposed Jayne? Although, I would never stoop so low as to get catty, even if I might have a few thoughts! That extreme aside, all you have to do is keep yourself looking good well into your 40’s and you will always catch the catty, snide, don’t want you anywhere near their husbands, kind of women. Were there any single women in your circle of angels growing up? Funny you write about this topic. I’ve been talking about it lately, with TH.

  3. Lori

    I found this true when I was younger, but less and less as I age.  So therefore I find myself with more and more true, honest, devoted female friends.  Of course, I now have to disabuse myself of the notion that all men are emotionally distant, critical, and just care about looks and status (having had a father and husband like that… )

  4. Random Girl

    You do indeed have a very valid point…women can be evil, and competitive, and snarky, and back-biting, and it is almost always driven 100% by their insecurities. I’ve done it. I’ve had it done back to me more times than I want to try to count. It’s no wonder that most of my friends are guys. Less drama = more smiles. 

  5. I don’t think that our mothers and grandmothers didn’t have these qualities (or vices) – I think it’s just that it was better hidden back in the day.  Women and men are definitely equal in the pettiness department, it’s just the means of communication is are different.  And also I do believe that men value consistency much more than women do, which means that if men cut each other off, it’s for good, whereas women can be bitchy as hell to each other one day and the next day seem to completely forget about it.

    I don’t think that the corporate ladder has so much to do with this behavior.  If anything, some women may be trying to imitate male behaviors, but I don’t think that innate “womanly” competitive behavior has gotten worse.

    You have a lot of valid points, though, most of which I agree with.  I think it can be summed up as follows:  learn to tell the psychos from the normals.  Then stay away from the psychos.  It’s what I’ll be teaching my son.

  6. Lori

    Huh, I always viewed the opposite – men can go out for a beer with a guy they don’t like, just to go out for a beer (and I mean 1:1).  Women will not choose to hang out with someone they don’t like 1:1.  Ever.  Maybe that was more true in college?

  7. You’re not the only person Sheila who says they don’t have lots of women friends. In fact, most tell me they don’t. Why is that? Thanks for admitting what I’ve always believed about the dressing thing. 

    Thanks for the feedback! Hope all is well. 

  8. I don’t think women in the Great Depression had time to be petty and vindictive. That generation grew up in a different time. There is something to be said that there was the “me” generation. It started with them and has progressively gotten worse. You are right about the men cutting other men off thing. When its done its done. 

    I’ve been in the dating world (prior Queen) long enough to know that you can hide psycho for about 6 months, after than it always comes out. 

  9. Guys will usually not hang out with guys they don’t like, period. They see it as a waste of time in the long run. 

  10. I’ve come to realize something, the woman who talks most about how much she hates drama, usually has the most.

  11. Maybe its where I live but I find it just as bad, in fact more so than in college. And you’re right, just like all women aren’t this way, all men aren’t like that either. 

  12. The hot women thing among the men is so true. I want to walk up to the wife and say “honey, the problem isn’t with the hot single girl, the problem is with your husband talking her up”. G

  13. man dude… what you say is true. Women are straight up catty and there is no answer to your question that I feel can fill this tiny comment space.

    I do want to reflect on one of the first comments you made in this blog though that described my life PERFECTLY as a kid: “It wasn’t because my parents were conservative religiophiles with a minimal entertainment threshold or who believed television a window to hell”. THAT…. was my parents. Can I use that phrase?

    Nice to see you’re pluggin’ along with ye old blogge. You’ve got great stuff.

  14. Oh my goodness…. THIS POST is EXACTLY why I chose to be friends with more men than women. Seriously.

    Not ALL women are like this, I promise. We all have moments when our brains go there, yes, but I swear not every girl is tearing down some other girl just to make herself feel better.


  15. And by the way, I’ve written on this topic NUMEROUS times. Single moms are even worse!

  16. You are so true T! In fact, I’d say there is no one worse. It’s like they wanted to get divorced then they complain about women who are not divorced. 

  17. Papa K! Good to see you out and about, you fell off for a while. Use that phrase anyway you’d like good sir. 

  18. i would have to say that this is exactly why i’m a guys girl. cause i can’t STAND women like this. i know exactly what you mean because i’ve been a victim of it.

    she’s WAY too skinny to be a mom, she must be on something.
    she must be easy, that’s why all the guys are giving her attention.
    she’s probably ‘one of those’ judging by her tattoos

    …i’ve heard it all by other women.

    in todays society, women are taught to be divas, go-getters, independent, man-eaters and God knows what else we’re taught to be in order to be recognized in a mans world. and if that’s the mindset that we women have, by God we’ll do what it takes to be THAT woman. and if that means trampling over other women to get to the top, then we’ll do it. and it’s truly sad that women are like that.

    i think we women forget that even though this is a mans world, we women still exist in it, live in it and men couldn’t live without us if we weren’t in it (maybe lol). and i think that we women forget that although men like women who are independent they also like women who have heart. like women who are successful but are family oriented. like women who are submissive but has a mind of her own. like women who works for the house that she has but makes it a home. they want women who act like ladies with some level of class. not wild, cutthroat, conniving, backstabbing banshees.

  19. 19 yr old girl

    mate, in 10 years of friendship with my best mate, no anger. she’s a girl. In 5 years of friendship with my high school mates, no anger. no bitchiness. all girls. some girls are just chilled. 🙂

  20. 19 yr old girl

    (we have had minor disagreements of course)/annoyances. but that’s only because one person wants the other person to take care of themselves when they haven’t been. our different parents treated all of us so badly(physical abuse etc.) that when we see each other, we’re just chilled. great blog 🙂

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