There’s only been two times in my life where I felt like a rock star. You know, those times when everybody loves you, has all eyes on you, and they hang on your every word.
The first was in the 6th grade when I won the Charlotte Elementary School Stomper Pull-Off (click the link if you need a reminder) after my mother surprised me with a silver, snub-nosed Peterbilt Stomper 4X4 that yanked its entire weight in nails, screws, and washers on a make-shift sled kicking every other elementary kids butt! After that the cutest girl in Mrs. Heath’s class, Tammy Moneypenny, realized I was alive.
The other was my wedding day.
The culmination of nine-months preparation replete with two open bars, DJ, 5-course meal, and a hundred or so of our closest friends and family was the stage for the event. The last addition to these nuptials was a lone photographer whose duty it was to capture the bride and groom in as many poses as feasible without getting smacked for being the paparazzi.
Little could our photographer have imagined that the result of all her just-one-mores, over-to-the-lefts, and scooch-in-a-littles would end up being part of the yours/mine discussion a few years later.
Walk into a married couples home and you’re quick to recognize a wedding photo as the staple of any home décor strategy. From the obnoxious 28×36 photo-shopped canvas hanging over the mantle, to the mundane dollar store binder on the coffee table, showcasing outdated wedding dresses, cumber buns and hideous brides maid attire is a cultural tradition.
But what happens to these memoires should the bride and groom’s vows change from “I do” to “I don’t”?
As the Jap and I were splitting up the martial assets and it came time to discuss the wedding albums (notice the plural) I immediately took one for the team and cheerfully traded my portion for a few beer glasses and a paper-towel rack. I was up for using the prints as kindling for a bond-fire in the middle of the den as sacrifice but she felt otherwise and as far as I know still has them to this day.
But for the life of me I can’t understand why anyone would want them.
Much like an engagement ring whose original purpose has vanished, wouldn’t wedding photos seem to fall in that same category after a divorce? Don’t they represent the celebration of a time when promises were made and feelings where far different, when they felt love and respect instead of hate and contempt for each other? If so, what then would be the reason for keeping them after a divorce?
There seems to be no rational behind who gets them and who doesn’t. I know some divorces where the guy got them and others where the woman, who asked for the divorce, wanted them. No matter, keeping the wedding photos is kind of like wearing your McDonald’s uniform after you’ve gotten fired for burning the french-fries. People just don’t do that.
Does anything change if you get married again? Do they get pulled out after one to many Cabernets for a trip down memory lane? How would the new partner feel to know that the love of their life has kept memories from a time past that didn’t include them? Or is it a sort of long shot bet just in case someone decides to rekindle old flames?
Does it matter if there are children? What kid wants to keep pictures of their parents failed marriage? Are they going to put them on the end table in their apartment to show their friends?
As for me, I say send them to Cracker Barrel. They can use them to decorate their restaurant walls in 50 years.