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Dating a single dad – the best advice you’ll ever get.
The color and lettering of the sign match the eatery’s overall rustic décor and blended nicely against the paneled wall it adorned. The message, simple
Someone better might simply have laughed off this relational bucket list to the derangement of a few middle aged women under the influence of Two-Buck Chuck. I on the other hand wanted to rush home and blast off a scathing bloggy retort . Fortunately discretion remains the better form of valor however a watered down rejoinder will soon be forthcoming.It seems that women’s requisites for a man are as varied as the women themselves. Granted there are a select few universal requirements which apply to any man such as honesty, confidence, intelligence, and a Ferrari; but when that gleam in your eye is courtesy of a single dad a garage full of exotic sports cars won’t make up for one vital male characteristic.
It continues to amaze me, as I surf about the Internet, at the number of women lamenting on their boyfriend’s recently formed character flaw such as his lying, wandering eye, or another frayed strand of moral fiber. To the damsels’ defense while these newfound attributes were likely always there, he was just adept at keeping them hidden long enough to get what he was looking for. But as they say the truth comes out (in around 90 days) – no one can keep up charades forever.
One of the many pains of dating is deciphering what is real and what is candidly – bullshit. Since conducting background checks reek of stalkerish psychopath there are few ways a woman can learn about a man’s true character other than the proverbial trial by fire. But if that man should be a single dad there is a truth serum far more potent and telling than anything cooked up in a CIA lab.
If you find yourself contemplating a relationship with a single father the first thing you want to learn, even before his credit score or rap sheet is – what kind of father is this guy?
His qualities as a dad will say more about his character and integrity than anything else. I had a friend once who’s 20-something year old daughter began dating a guy who had fathered a child from a previous relationship. He rarely saw his son, never talked about him, and by all accounts contributed nothing financially. Then, by the cruelest of fates, she became pregnant. You can well deduce without a PhD in Psychology what happened next.
© by tristanf
Ladies let me be candid with you, a man who will not, does not, or can not take care of his children will never treat you any better. There is absolutely NO valid excuse under the sun that justifies a man walking out on his children – ever. I knew an acquaintance that, upon separation, was faced with the prospect of losing his lake house as part of the splitting up of assets. Sensing an opportunity to move back with her family a day’s drive away the soon-to-be-ex-wife offered to give up her interest if she could take their kids – he readily agreed. This father traded in his children for a good view. He now sees them a few weeks every summer and a couple of other times a year – all so he could keep a lake house. If he treated his kids that way, how much better would he treat a woman?
Let’s not forget it’s called dating for a reason and that should include questions like. How often does he see his kids? How close are they? Does he take them on trips? What does he do with them over the holidays? Does he miss them when he hasn’t seen them for a while? Is he involved at their school events? Does he attend their sporting events? Does he meet his financial obligations? Then make sure he proves it!
At the first hint a man begins making excuses for why he isn’t involved in his children’s’ lives – RUN! Tell him to get his priorities straight and then give you a call. If he doesn’t pay his child support yet wants to take you on a vacation – RUN! If his kids aren’t a priority you won’t be one for long either. Please, please, please ladies don’t be misled by thinking that because he’s met you somehow he’ll now get his act together. First, you’re not that special and second he’ll only change long enough to get what he wants. Yeah there’s the off chance you might get him to do a 180, but if Vegas doesn’t take those odds you shouldn’t either.
What seems so obvious to me is a complete miss by so many women. Heed the advice, the heart you save might be your own.
HAHAHAH….”First, you’re not that special…”
Okay, you certainly have a good point here and I wish ALL single women would pay attention. I have found that the biggest excuse for loozer daddies (and mommies, to be honest) is the ex. It’s his/her fault that they can’t be a proper parent. I agree…run. And I think you’re right. This may be the best dating advice ever.
Now give. me. my. damn. tshirt.
Oh that is weak. The moment the put all the burdens on the ex, when they know you could never validate that, is a reason to RUN!
WOW! Where were this post 6 years ago? Seriously, all women who date single dads need to read this!
I was going through my own emotional train wreck 6 years ago. It took me a while to learn this.
Great post. I was recently emailing a woman on a dating site. She is 36 never married and wanted kids. I am very open to having more children. We never met for a date; she said I was too wrapped up in my kids’ lives. Oh well, we’re all single for a reason!
I could write a post simply on your response to this. (1) she’s a short sighted idiot who is single for a reason. (2) I assure you that she is so wrapped up in herself she wouldn’t have time for your children let alone you.
You’re better off.
I think it would be a great post. It is a little sad though. I want to believe the line that a lot of NMNK (never married/no kids) women in their mid/late 30′s made a choice to invest in themselves and truly live before committing to a family life.
But after meeting a few, it seems “Investing in themselves” was really a cover for avoiding the the acceptance that is required for a deep relationship. Too bad. Lots of women are missing out on the chance for great life. And to be fair I believe the same goes for NMNK men as well.
Sound advice, great blog!
Thanks Jennifer, please come back anytime.
Ain’t it the truth!
How he treats his kids and how he treats his ex… tells a WHOLE story, doesn’t it?
Thanks for sharing, CP!
Agreed, and could anyone tell me why so many women seem to miss that?
“Who you are shouts so loudly in my ears that I cannot hear what you say.” – Emerson.
If a guy (or gal) doesn’t treat their kids like a top priority, are abusive or mean to coworkers and friends, or disregard the feelings of others, you are no different. “You’re not that special”… amen, Papa!
Thanks DT!
Never were truer words spoken! A deadbeat dad is a deadbeat man, period. (Same goes for deadbeat mothers too, of course.)
Thanks for the deadbeat mom also. Too many people forget about that.
Wise words and I’m glad you’re spreading them. This is also the exact reason I was drawn to a man I’m dating now…his commitment and love of his children.
A lady that has her act together. Good men everywhere thank you!
While the sign is funny, you make a valid and noteworthy point in your post. In fact, this may be your best post ever, and I hope it goes viral.
Kim Happily Married to a Great Dad that drives a worn out Volvo.
Thanks G&G! I really appreciate that.
Worn our Volvos are brilliant!
Very great post. I never stop being amazed at women who date men who are complete losers, treat everyone around them like crap, and then sit there wondering where they went wrong. Damn. And you’ve boiled it down to fatherhood. Great job.
Also, if a guy doesn’t have kids, you can judge him by how he treats animals.
Great post.
Thanks Barbara. Please come back again.
So true. Anyone who could leave their children behind and prioritize them below a summer home is a true narcissist. Horrible fathers have astounded me with their comments online. One guy who contacted me on a “harmonious” dating site was working his dream job…… 650 miles from his 9 and 11 yr old sons he only saw twice a year. He was delusional when he told me he thought their relationship was stronger due to Skyping each night. Next!
Another guy hated the town where he, his ex and preschool daughter had lived for 10 years and he had moved several states away. When I asked why he moved (were you unemployed and only could find work in your highly specialized field?) he said he had “nothing” important to keep him there. O…my..god…..
The sad thing is these types of men who have fathered children are clueless to why they’re still alone. And even sadder are the women who date these men because they suffer from any-dick-will-do syndrome.
Malbecmom, Thanks for the insightful post. Both of your examples are exactly what I’m talking about. The guy who thinks skyping is better than being there…well he has no future and that’s delusion talking.
Thanks for the insightful comments. Please stop back by.
Great post. I fell in love with a single dad…. and I’m still in love, and we have our own baby now.
And I would like to say, that if you are going to date a single dad, definitely look at the facts and not what he says or what others say. Like you said, he may have all the excuses in the world to prove he is not a deadbeat, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t one. But also remember, his ex may go to her grave trying to prove he’s a deadbeat, but that doesn’t mean he is one. 
Thanks for reading. You are right many women will try to prove that but the truth always comes out. Please come back again anytime.
As a single mom of three little children (7, 4 and 19 months) who have a father that chooses to see them for less than 24 hours per month (and who didn’t see his youngest child for the entire first year of her life), I agree wholeheartedly. I often say that the only advice that I have for his girlfriend (who’s in her early 20′s …. Could we be any less original?) is that she shouldn’t have children with him.
For me, how a man treats his children is paramount in my decision to date him. Period. You are absolutely right… If a single father doesn’t spend time with his kids, talk about them all the time, take care of them, etc…. RUN!!! As fast and as far as you can. There is NO excuse.
Great Post!
Thanks Deena,
Sorry to hear about your ex. He should read my post “A Manifesto on Absent Fathers” check it out…it isn’t nice.
You got my juices flowing about him being with a 20 year old and how original that is. Thanks for the inspiration and for stopping in.
Kyle,
You live, you learn. We’re all better off… The thing that blows my mind is that he thinks he’s a great father… Gotta love delusional narcissists…
Thanks again!
Deena recently posted..Endless possibilities
I came across this article while googling “How to be a good single father/dad.”
This article has an interesting perspective. I’m going through a divorce right now, and it’s a rough ride of emotions – since we have 3 young kids.
I don’t want to write a book here, so I’ll just throw out some related thoughts:
I’ve always believed that single dads are looked at extremely negatively from single women who don’t have children, but looked at non-negatively from single moms. But your perspective puts it in a different way, and I surely HOPE you are right. My kids will come, no matter what, #1 in my life. I’m scared as HELL in screwing that up (hence the Google search) – I’d like to think I’ve been great with them (my soon-to-be-ex spouse and I both say we’re both great parents; my parents have also said so, and being Asian they are extremely honest). I am, and will be concerned that, when I am ready to date again (I’m way past my soon-to-be-ex-spouse, just not ready for someone else until I can figure out handling my time with my kids), it will be hard to find women who will honestly, truly be OK with being #2, or even #1.5 to my kids – because there really is no other way. Sorry. And in a similar note, it seems like it would be better to date a single mom (obviously without any “issues” – although it would be hard to find out the truth in what happened to their previous relationship) since they would be more understanding of putting our own children first, no matter what. Not sure any single women would ever understand what that truly means….
This is probably the best dating advice I’ve read since divorcing. So very, very true. As a divorced mom (who will be reading the fore-mentioned “Absent Fathers” post next) I’ll be bookmarking this for when I need a reminder. I really like those questions to consider. Personally, I want to know how often they’re around “dates” and what his general guidelines are for that sort of exposure. (My kids are off-limits until I feel there’s a super significant relationship happening. Which means, I’ve had a man walk away after months of dating saying I made that too slow. Reality is he was NOT someone who would have stuck it out even if he’d been at the dinner table with them regularly, so I was glad for my decision.)
Divorced dads should be part of their children’s lives AND provide monetary support. It’s NOT just about the monthly support. It’s about daily interaction, knowing what’s going on in their lives, what they’re up to, how they feel. It’s not asking the same three questions during a weekly chat. And any man who can pack up and move, or can’t make time for a kid across town, well, that isn’t a man worth having around!
KQ, Thanks for your words and feedback. Based upon your last sentence I’m sure you agree with my ‘Manifesto’ post.
Thanks for stopping by.
I love the article, but it wasn’t what I expected… It’s really only analysing one side…
I’m dating a guy who is the opposite. Super involved. Loves his kids. Participates in many an activity with them, has them on a regular (half-time) basis and always makes sure he is 100 percent committed to them when they are in his care… I was looking for advice on that kind of a dad… But your article does show me I’m lucky in comparison to be dating “the good type”
(Your post describes my own kids’ father to a T!)
Wonderful post. 2 thumbs up and a twist to those awesome single dads and those women who love them.
I disagree. Parenthood should never be forced on men or women. Some men don’t want kids and make that clear from the get-go, but if a woman gets pregnant (some women will deliberately sabotage birthcontrol in order to trap a man) she gets full control over over the outcome. That is wrong.
I don’t think any man should automatically be expected to be involved with or paying for the children that someone else decided to have against his will. A man should only have such a requirement if he agreed to it in writing.
Otherwise children are first and foremost the responsibility of the person whose choice it was to have them- the woman.
I’m actually someone who wouldn’t date a single father, or any man who has sired offspring willingly or not. But even I don’t paint men with such a broad brush to see automatic fault with any man uninterested in children that happen to share his genes. Its very possible that the real fault lies with the woman.
Julie, I’ll try to respond to the multiple points you madd in your comments But on the surface I think we’re speaking of two radically different ideologies.
To being, I’m surprised that you believe a father should not have responsibility for children that are birthed against his will. That seems a very relativistic world view and carried to it’s full conclusion means he has no justification for doing anything he doesn’t agree with: …obey laws, pay taxes, or respect property boundaries. With that thinking what keeps a man then from merely taking what he wants, since his not currently possessing it is against his will? As far as ‘in writing’ is concerned…I’d like to offer exhibit ‘A’ being is DNA. I not aware of more potent evidence.
I can only assume that you don’t have children, if I’m wrong then your response goes from surprise to shock. What/how do you explain to the child(ren) of the male who ‘sired’ them that they do not have a father because he was ‘uninterested’ in being responsible for his actions? What methodology do you use to explain the feelings of abandonment and rejection the file will face as a result? “any man uninterested in children that happen to share his genes”. The moment he engaged in sexual intercourse he assumed the responsibility of any outcome. Should the woman ‘trap’ him the he again bears part of the burden of not being wiser about the individual he was having relations with.
I will respond to your other comment below.
I had a thought about the man who you said traded his kids for a home. A story is drastically changed by how it is told.
First off, has the man really traded his kids go a home? Maybe he doesn’t have full custody, but does that really mean that he isn’t still involved?
But the real bias in telling is that it could actually be that the man was the victim of blackmail. Hear me out. Division of assets is ugly. So are custody battles. Consider that the courts tend to favor women in custody disputes (and rightfully so, I think,) which may make it very difficult and costly for a man to really stand a chance in court.
Consider also what it means to lose a house. He isn’t just losing a home, but all the money he put into it over the years and what he still owes. The real estate market has crashed over the years. In an asset dispute, the house might be sold, which could have result is the man coming out with a loss, possibly even resulting in backruptsy. this is especially true if it’s the case that it was the man paying the bulk of the mortgage, as would be the case if the woman was a SAHM. ( which may or not be the case, here.)
Is it not possible, as an alternate version of the story, that the woman used the home as leverage, a way to blackmail the man, so she could get custody without contest?
I’m not saying that’s the case. But you only told a partial story to support you point. The perspective you gave colored the context in a way that may or may not actually reflect reality. I think you, and other people who read this and took it to mean what you implied without knowing the full story may be judging him too quickly. There could be more than you know, is what I’m saying. And it’s worth knowing the full story before you go branding anyone a bad guy.
This is the second time that you’ve mentioned entrapment/blackmail and can only assume that you or family/friends are, in some way, a victim of such an act.
In the article provided the issue at hand was his ex wife did want to move out of state. Instead however of fighting to take responsibility and there the way his children needed him to be. He decided to use them a bargaining chips.
This post has little to do with the biased in family courtrooms across the country.
“Consider also what it means to lose a house. He isn’t just losing a home, but all the money he put into it over the years and what he still owes.” — That seems to place financial well being above the responsibility to a child. Again, if taken to it’s fullest extent we could become a society that trades children in for the latest car or to catch up our mortgage payments.
Possibly the woman, knowing that he didn’t want to lose his financial gain in the home, used it as bargaining power to get her children closer to his family. In which case both of them should be ashamed to have gone so far, but obviously she knew her husband well enough to know that it would work…and it did.
The long and short of this story is this…regardless of who leveraged who, regardless of whether she ‘entrapped him’ which isn’t the case as they were married for years before the divorce, the outcome is the same. This father chose a nice view over being their consistently for his children. Instead of having the every other weekend he sees them a few months per year.
Thanks for your input. I enjoy the back and forth with people of differing opinions.
I apologize for typos. I’m writing from a phone. I hope my meaning is still clear.
Julie, I am sorry for whatever has happened in your life to cause you to take on such a skewed view of parental responsibility. But, unless the woman raped the man (legitimately against his will), an got pregnant as a result, then it is the responsibility of BOTH parents to support, nurture and raise THEIR children.
Children are a blessing. No one knows that better than people who can’t have them. It’s a travesty to watch people squander this remarkable opportunity.
I’m a single Dad. I’ve raised my 3 year old since he was 8 months old. He’s now 3 years old going on 4 in a month. I get what you all are saying. I also can understand most of Julie’s point.
The part she misses though is that you are never really trapped. Deceived – maybe. I’ll assume you understand the difference (or at least what I am trying to say and spare you the essay explaining). Or (best case scenario) simply just caught in the “have it” side of the wave of emotions women go thru when deciding for or against having an abortion.
What you do after that kid is born though – Does say a lot about you. But it does not necessarily say everything about you. People are so different – so idiosyncratic. You’d be better off focusing on what’s exceptional about the individual. The positives that put them heads above others .. rather than the negatives that put them at average of below average levels. IE: Generalities are typically only good for weeding out the extremists and absolute idiots. Anything else will likely require a keener .. more personal eye.
The story with the father and the home is not as comprehensive as it could be. Told as it was – I honestly questioned, before reading Julie’s comments how biased it was towards the author’s sentiment.
At the end of the day, you still have to get to know the entirety of whomever you are dating. He can be a great father but a horrible match, mate and provider for you. Or a seemingly terrible father to his children who ends up being a great father and provider with the right influences or under the right circumstances. Point I’m making is that there are so many other qualifiers in determining a good mate that focusing on this one (significant as it seems) – may stunt your ability to see this person more comprehensively. I’m not sure that makes as much sense in writing as it does in my head. But that is where Julie’s point makes a lot of sense to me. Assess each situation on it’s own merit. Compliment a great Dad for that characteristic but don’t let it become a badge representative of his entire character. Similarly, demerit a “terrrible” father but make allowance for a more comprehensive assessment of his character as a man. If it’s worth your while. Or it may not be – as it may not be worth Julie’s while to date a man who has “sired” a seed
by another woman.
And in all honesty, I think her mind’s design is inquisitive that if she met someone with all the things she was looking for – but had a kid; and could get her to really listen to him. He’d have as much a shot with her as did any other man. He’d have to get her to listen and hear him though. How creatively he went about that would be a part of their story. #Impossible is Nothing !
I’m trying to make a point of balance. I think Kipling’s Poem “IF” – As unrelated as it may seem to this post ; I think it best takes me where I’m trying to go with this. These are the things I want my son to understand as he makes his way through life. These are the things I am still learning. “IF” you can do these things. Not necessarily that you plan on doing these things. But if it’s in your spirit .. your being to do these things. With all the protections and qualifiers we have in this life – all the fears that reasonably keep us from doing the things we want to do. If you can find a way to inject sentiments in your blood. Wow!
(I’m sure I got off topic somewhere before here ….but; That’s my piece for the day)
“IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!”
Kikeh,
Let me first say thanks for the thoughtful comment. I do enjoy getting feedback that is written in a elegant hand. On the surface you make a valiant argument and one that will surely gain here-here’s. However where we differ is the very point that you’re trying to make and what I remain steadfast about.
Set aside for a moment the biased you perceive in my story. This becomes far more than just that.
“Point I’m making is that there are so many other qualifiers in determining a good mate that focusing on this one (significant as it seems) – may stunt your ability to see this person more comprehensively.” — Would this apply in all circumstances? Murder, rape, child pornography? While this may sound extreme, is it really that far fetched, and does it matter? Isn’t part of being responsible with our hearts, and in your and my case our children’s hearts, include setting absolute standards of behavior and morals that are non-negotiables? In other words core traits that we are looking for in a mate that we simply will not settle for less on?
Too often as a society we get caught up in the periphery, the stuff that does’t truly matter in the scheme of things yet we pay more credence to than it deserves. The man who disowns his children yet is a great father to another’s kids, due to other influences, remains a man of poor character. Now the argument can be made that if he becomes involved with his other children because she has required it to maintain a relationship, hurrah for her, but that is a different matter entirely. And we all know how unlikely this occurrence is.
How many women, and men, have regretted getting involved with another person because they got to know the ‘whole person’ and even though they were missing on core needs she went ahead and got involved, only to end the relationship for the very thing she relented on in the first place?
No, I’m completely convinced that ‘core’ needs are necessary, because without them we will get too caught up in the shiny objects to miss what is truly important.
My man, I hope you will visit often. Thanks again.
I am dating a single father. He is 32, been divorced for three years and has three children. He’s smart, handsome, fun, sexy, laughs a lot and is very artistic as well as wildly successful. His ex-wife walked out on him and his children, they are now more settled and she sees the kids every weekend. He pays no child support or anything to her. I have yet to meet his children formally but they all three have painted me pictures of owls (which I love) and I have hung them in my office. He says it’s so endearing that I would do so. The thing about it is, I never thought I wanted to get married or have a family. Now I want to be married and the thought of myself being pregnant scares me greatly. I have no desire to have my own child, no desire to be pregnant, or push something out of my vagina. Not to mention I have a lot of issues with my reproductive system and the likely hood that I would ever be able to have a child is non-existent. In my last relationship, he and his family, did not know that I have had one of my ovaries removed and the other did not work proper. His mother and grandmother would always talk about when I would be ready to have children and get married. I was frightened, scared. I couldn’t have children. What if I date a man with no kids or ex and we get married and he wants a child of our own, one between he and I and I will not be able to do it? It has been advised that even if I were to ever be pregnant it would be very difficult and potentially life threatening. The thing is, with Chad, he has children. Beautiful children, and while I am not their mother nor will I ever be he already has that so there is no pressure for me to give it to him. There is no longing of, I want a baby with her. There would be no resentment. He has said he loves his children but sometimes wishes that they were with me and not his ex. I kind of understand but I am glad he is able to have them because I could never give them to him, or it would be very difficult. I like the thought of an already made family. I will be part of it, his whole family really likes me and I really love him. I am willing to handle the situation because I love Chad, his children are not baggage but only an extension of him. I care for all parts of him.
I think dating, when you love and care for someone you accept them. All the good and bad, and their bad usually isn’t even bad. While I understand that children come first, so should your happiness as an adult and person. If you are not able to have any other relationship besides the rocky one with your ex, then how would you children ever see what a happy loving relationship really looks like? It is important for all of us to be the best us possible, even more so when there are children involved. Parents are children’s first role models, your success in all things can alter their success.
“I think dating, when you love and care for someone you accept them. All the good and bad, and their bad usually isn’t even bad” — while I would agree with you on your last point, do you think this is possible? To accept anyone for their good or bad, in all cases? Or like the article we must establish guidelines that if crossed, doesn’t mean that we’ve become close minded, but that we’ve protected ourselves and understand what we want?
I feel like it’s somewhat obvious that a woman should care about how good of a father a man their interested in is. That speaks to how responsible and and good of a person the guy is. That’s also not a very catchy thing to put on a sign.
johnny recently posted..Another Mobile Wallet? Are You Kidding?
I recently got involved with a great guy who is a wonderful father to his 10-year old daughter…and she and I are very close and really, genuinely like each other and are involved in each other’s lives. He is talking to me (and so is the daughter) about a future together…we are serious. I understand that his daughter is his number one priority and his job is second, as he has to be able to provide for her and have health insurance. We are both open and discuss this. However, it is still an adjustment for me to know that I will not be a top priority, although I am still a priority. I know this will shift a bit as she gets older. But right now our time alone together is very limited…though the three of us spend a lot of time together. Can you comment on this from the man’s perspective. I have wrestled with whether or not I will be able to handle this in the long run…though I am independent and don’t mind having my own life and interests too. I have thought about the pros and cons…and I feel like there are so many pros and we genuinely love each other and I genuinely care for his daughter and she genuinely cares for me too. It’s just a bit of an adjustment for me to accept that I will always fall down a little lower on the list of priorities. I respect this and try to take it one day at a time to give him the space he needs with her. We have talked a little about this…can you talk about this from the man’s perspective…and whether the man really understands and respects my ability to take a step back and allow him to put me a little lower on the list in order for to be together.
Pam,
couple of thoughts. I’m not convinced that he should be putting his daughter before his relationship with you. Read this topic to see why I feel that way.
http://chopperpapa.com/2012/04/who-i-should-be-kissing-first/
Secondly, I do admire your insight as to the concerns you might have at not being in the #1 spot. If you don’t have children it makes sense that you would be bothered. I would also have him read that post. He may find it eye opening, because I’ve struggled, as a father, with the same issue.
Kyle,
I just saw your response. Thank you so much. I have been asking for some alone time for us…it remains to be seen if I will get that. I know he is struggling with learning to find a balance now that our relationship has been added to the mix. And I don’t want to push so hard that I push him away. But reading your post helps me feel better because I have wondered if I was being selfish to ask for this. But it looks like, as a single dad, you might not think this is a selfish thing to ask for…I really want things to work. But I think we both need to believe that some alone time to cultivate our relationship is important. Also…I love your “Queen” reference. I think that’s really sweet. And I applaud you for finding a balance that seems to work for you, your kids, and your lady.
Pam
These posts about how to date a single dad really interest me as I have a co worker who is a single dad but is still hot. I want to go out with him but I just can’t. I am afraid he would reject me. T_T
I agree there is no reason for a man to walk out on his kids.If he is any kind of man at all,he will stay and work through what ever proplems may come up.he needs to think about the lives he is destroying.Life is not always a bed of roses.Think about showing your kids a positive role model.If you show your kids what a man is he will someday show his kids. If you walk out on them they may walk out on their kids.I know I lived through that.I told my self I would never hurt my kids that way.All of my cousins their dad left them,the cycle had to be broken.My kids are now grown I have grand kids we have been married for 39 years spread the love.