I learned something quickly after starting this little blog. Write honestly, show conviction, and you have a recipe for pissing people off, and many will gladly tell you just how pissed off they are. In three years I have been called every obscenity, routinely insulted, occasionally threatened. The Internet makes it easy for ‘trolls’ to hide behind cartoon avatars and zing infinite improprieties against anyone expressing contrary views.
This is the reality of voicing anything in your head. Say nothing and it remains on your shoulders. Given the traditional lean of my worldview, I anticipate a healthy dose of condemnation by many “progressives” and find the repartee often hilarious. But what I was never prepared for is the vitriol bubbling in the hearts of so many men.
There is something of a movement (I am using the word ‘movement’ very, very loosely) calling itself MGTOW. While you might think this the acronym of a 90’s boy band, it’s not. MGTOW stands for Men Going Their Own Way and is what happens when bitter, lonely, and spoiled males get an Internet connection.
MGTOW is the retarded ideological cousin of the Men’s Rights Movement, but its discontent goes ludicrously beyond any rational notion of male disadvantage. Consider it the antithesis of radical feminism, but organized like Al-Qaeda. There is no formal leader or corporate office, which doesn’t matter because they don’t consider MGTOW a movement; it’s a ‘phenomenon’.
Perhaps this is better explained through the metaphor used to distinguish who is and who isn’t MGTOW. In this case a particular scene from The Matrix where Morpheus presents Neo the opportunity to see what the Matrix really is.
“Take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes.
For MGTOW, all heterosexual men (gays appear inconsequential) are labeled one of two ways, a Blue Pill Man or a Red Pill Man. In case you’re wondering, I’m a Blue Pill because I am in a loving, long-term relationship with the Queen. I’m a midnight shade of the hue since I intend to marry her, which is the most fatal mistake they believe a man can make. As the movie implies, the blue pill means I remain inside a lie. And the lie is this, women are not what we’re led to believe.
By contrast, a Red Pill man sees through the charade and knows the truth, (MGTOW are very big on Epistemology) which is that women are really vindictive, entitled, and selfish money whores willing to do whatever to whomever to get what they want, all without guilt or shame. She will destroy a man or dismantle a family if it will cure her boredom. Women, and chiefly MGTOW’s twin sister, radical feminism, – the similarities are undeniable – have perpetuated a culture that’s pushed men to the fringe and second-class status in their attempts to take over the world. Due to their ‘enlightened’ state, most MGTOW protest by rejecting relationships with women, most notably long term commitment and marriage– all while claiming to be heterosexual.
At least feminist separatists earn some credibility for being overwhelmingly lesbian.
Yet as absurd as this sounds to a reasonably intelligent person, to MGTOW their worldview is perfectly legitimate and rational. In response to critics, they present high divorce rates, biased family law courts, fatherless children, unfair alimony, and debilitating child support as reasons for their schism.
This begins to make more sense when we consider the basic characteristics of a MGTOW “member”.
First are single men who have never married, likely never dated seriously, and quite possibly have never been laid. They vindicate a lifetime of rejection and celibacy by labeling all women as gold-digging, egotistical, sluts who have traded their virtue and soul for a Platinum Credit Card. For these guys, MGTOW provides community, validation, and something to do on the weekends, which typically involves wasting away in various MGTOW chat rooms whining about the unfairness of society, their nonexistent sex life, and how it’s all women’s faults. But in reality, what MGTOW gives them is a false sense of control. Claiming to be a Man Going His Own Way, he can convince himself his lonesomeness is a choice.
This attitude becomes the logical conclusion when little boys, who were never told ‘no’, become adults. It’s their temper tantrum disguised behind a mask of conspiracy. MGTOW is his virtual shoulder when he doesn’t have the game to be a player or the cash to be a sugar daddy.
The second group is the divorced man or single father purportedly massacred by the family law courts. This MGTOW believes he is the only man living or dead to be financially, emotionally or spiritually ruined by divorce. As such, he considers his ex wife, and by affiliation every woman in the western hemisphere, guilty of all the bad that’s ever happened or will ever happen to him. I know this guy all too well; I’ve sat beside him in small groups. Everything out of his mouth is complaints about his ex-wife, the biased judicial system, and discriminatory child support laws. These guys walk around with sequoias in their eye refusing to imagine, for a moment, that they were anything other than wonderful husbands and innocent victims, believing divorce happens entirely in a vacuum. This dude finds a home in MGTOW because it gives him a ready audience who will gladly listen to his bitching when all his real friends have become weary telling him to grow up.
Some time back I was emailed by an avowed MGTOW through a He Said/She Said video about the topic of chivalry. A father of two, his marriage ended five years earlier. He wanted to talk after reading some of my essays, and within minutes of being on the phone I knew why he was MGTOW. He wasn’t over his ex wife’s affair. He had never left that courtroom from five years earlier and found satisfaction wallowing in his own self-loathing and bitterness. It was easier for him to buy some asinine anti-male plot than do the hard work of getting right with himself and being the man and father his children needed.
What he refused to accept, and what kept him stuck in yesterday, was any part he might have played in their divorce or her adultery. He couldn’t move beyond the betrayal of trust he was convinced his provision and hard work as her husband ought to have guaranteed. Then to make matters worse, he desperately wanted another relationship and couldn’t understand why he was unable to find the right woman. Each one, he claimed, was just like his ex wife. This only stoked the flame of his perceived moral superiority and women’s universal faults. When I asked if he had ever stopped to think that the only thing each of these women, including his ex, had in common was himself – which contradicts all MGTOW dogma – he never called back.
I titled this essay as I did because my friend represents the true nature of the MGTOW ‘movement’ and reflects something in each of us. It is important to recognize that we will always drift towards sorrow, bitterness, and regret if we play the victim and refuse to take ownership for our actions. As I tried to explain, the only way he will ever move beyond his ex wife’s affair, and get to a place where he doesn’t punish every woman with his ex-wife’s sins, is by accepting the part, however large or small, he may have played in them.
He grew frustrated because every criticism at my suggestion he judge himself while judging her was checked by the reality I also had been there. I too was traded in for a younger man, she also used our money to fuel her infidelity, she initiated the divorce, and she separated me from my children. I also carried that heavy cross of hatred and resentment, but realized early I was getting nowhere with it. He seemed astounded at my willingness to let go of the past and my bitterness, and how I considered it cowardice to assume all women are the same as my ex wife because they have vaginas. He kept thinking that to own up to any responsibility he had in her cheating somehow abnegated her from the decision to do so – it never does. Her actions are her’s alone to wrestle with.
To remain the victim will enslave oneself to misery and sorrow. Furthermore, doing so demands constant validation from others since it’s counter to how our Creator made us. That’s what makes MGTOW so appealing. They gain acceptance without the heaving lifting of looking within. Yet the biggest problem with the MGTOW ideology isn’t their paranoid schizophrenic conspiracy theories, which are stupid on their premise. The real issue is how their victim embracing woe-is-me philosophy keeps them mired in constant sorrow and misery through their sustained and celebrated irresponsibility. And the danger is no greater than for the children of those countless single and divorced fathers who subscribe to the MGTOW rhetoric.
Last week I was lambasted by one such father for my opinionated thoughts on deadbeat dads, which MGTOW claims a myth or at most the product of a biased court system. His website is a cavalcade of bi-polar MGTOW encouragement. In one video he discusses the sadness of celebrating the holidays while his daughters are 500 miles away. In the next, he offers dating advice that men should ‘hit it, quit it, and leave it on the lot where you found it’. When I asked him where he developed the mental dexterity to live with such a dichotomy, missing his daughter one moment and tagging her entire gender as “bitches, whores, and sluts” the next, I got no thoughtful response.
The Queen, however, said it best after watching his video, “Maybe 500 miles isn’t far enough”.