An Open Letter To MGTOW – The Men In The Shadows recent months I have been a blip on your radar. Be it from a recent essay explaining your ‘movement’ or videos on topics in your ‘sweet spot’, I’ve gained attention from several of you. Though small by internet standards, it’s been enough to know I wasn’t impressed with the experience. One in particular, apparently someone well known in the ‘MGTOW nation’ – and who shockingly reveals his face – has threatened to use his video blog and any public information he can find about me to spin ‘comedy gold’.

Obviously none of this attention has been flattering towards me, but it’s even less so for your cause.

That’s the motivation for writing this note.


Before I go further let me set the record straight. I’m a divorced father for over a decade, my children where both under three when she served papers. Shortly after our separation, I discovered her real reason for leaving wasn’t the irreconcilable differences our agreement stated, it was another man, and specifically her personal trainer – as cliché as that sounds. For the icing, she moved him into her new home, with our kids, four days after my last alimony payment, which coincidentally was April Fool’s Day – I’m not creative enough to make that up,


Let me start by saying, you guys have got to turn it down because the medium is annihilating your message. And that medium specifically is your anger, negativity, resentment, and vitriol towards anyone – and everyone – who expresses views in the slightest way different to your own.

If your still confused, simply scroll through the comments on these two videos here and here for a quick taste of how some of your soldiers operate.

Shockingly, because I never do this, I engaged with one, the guy threatening the background check. In one of his responses he says, ‘At least I’m doing something about it.” Meaning, I guess, he is taking action to create change and bring awareness to the plight of angry fathers disadvantaged at the hands of  biased judges and vindictive women.

I’ve thought much on that since. He’s right; he is doing something about it, but that’s where things start getting ugly. Generally speaking, your message is that men are discriminated second-class citizens while women are made out to be princesses who can do no wrong. You regularly cite the undeniably flawed family court system, burdensome child support, and unfair child custody laws that make fathers, in some cases, indentured servants paying obscene sums while missing huge chunks of their children’s lives. Even to so broad a generalization I will concede there is some truth. However, and this is where you guys lose me completely, not all of them are vindictive, greedy, selfish and out to get us.

And the reality is, you know this. Yet you insist on unapologetically labeling, through experience or merely by assumption, every woman as a parasite and whore who will emotionally and financially destroy a man and wreck a family on a whim. I’m not sure if you just married really bad, suck at relationships in general, or mommy gave you everything growing up, but you, just like feminists routinely do, punish the many with the sins of the few. And I have a problem with that.


What I didn’t ask was his aim in ‘doing something about it’ in so unique way (you have to watch to truly appreciate). If his mission is to create change in culture and bring to the fore the plight of the disenfranchised father, how does he, or any of you, hope to do so when the audience is so provoked and the presentation impossible to stomach for anyone with a basic intellect? Furthermore, how should he expect other men and fathers who haven’t the same experiences, such as myself, to be sympathetic to your cause when he’d, and so many like him, would rather discount, insult, and ridicule when I don’t buy 100% into your conspiracy theory notions? Getting married or having a relationship with a woman is all necessary to give you guys a full-on aneurysm.


Your message is never going to be heard, and certainly never taken seriously, so long as you continue disparaging the people who might do you the most good. Since you force all men into a box – admire women or support MGTOW; for you there is no third way. You’ve obviously have never seen the Queen. What you also fail to recognize in your blind stupidity, is that unless some of you take the risk and procreate, your entire cause will die out in a lifetime – makes me wonder how serious you really are, or if you just like complaining.

Continue down the path you’re on and you’ll remain on the fringes because you’ll be considered little more than disgruntled, woman hating, bitter, lonely, anonymous men who would rather hurl insults than have constructive dialogue. You will not create engagement, you will squash it since no one outside your collective with stick around long enough to listen. When you can’t, or more precisely won’t, speak intelligently and respectfully with people of different views, conversation dies  – and your cause along with it.

I would tell you to organize better, yet even in your infantile state you have so much infighting you wouldn’t get far off the ground. Furthermore, continue treating every counter argument as a fight to the death and you’ll only confirm what critics already say about you, thereby digging your own grave deeper.

As it currently stands, I see no value in your cause. Your message isn’t my reality and certainly not reflective of my life, or for that matter any single or divorced father I know. And while I accept that some of you have been royally screwed by women and the law, the way you present your message is far too tainted and poisonous for me to consider with any level of gravity. Besides I have a conscience; I can’t live with the moral tension of having a daughter and simultaneously hating all women. I’m not sure how you do either.


All of this is a problem for you because the men you really need, those who could take your cause to the next level, give it legitimacy, and turn it into something that can drive change. Well, they don’t feel like you do. They’ve had their frustrations with ex wives and court systems, but that doesn’t paint their entire thinking.  They also have sisters, daughters, mothers, wives, and consider them much more than merely tramps, sluts, and bitches “good only for pounding”.

So do with this what you will. Throw me under the bus if it makes you feel better – you’ll be proving the points I’ve just made. But if any of it resonates, start working on the inside and that means within your own ranks. Someone with influence, perhaps my admirer Magnum P.I., needs to use his platform and say ‘enough!’ and leverage the internet that you seem so fond of to rein in the bad apples and begin pointing them in a new and better direction.

You do that and I’ll be the first to carry your torch into that new day.

Or stay where you are and I’ll gladly watch you rot in your own misery where you belong – in the shadows.


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