In the latest episode of Fatherhood Wide Open with father and blogger Adam Rust we discuss the idea; Does Fatherhood Make Us Better Men? I posed this question after reading his article in response to a Time story about couples purposefully choosing to abandon parenthood, opting instead to luxuriate in the carefree waters of a D.I.N.K. lifestyle – Dual Income No Kids.
As the cultural war on marriage continues, barrages of white-hot contempt are released with every new celebrity divorce and Beltway sex scandal. Yet the critics of marriage, those considering it a biological illusion and social imposition because 50% end in failure, don’t take their argument to its obvious and tragic conclusion. While many sociologists and jilted spouses point to prairie voles and your shitzu for evidence that humans aren’t wired for lifelong faithfulness and to think otherwise is ignoring the obvious, they stop short of admitting that we’re little more than highly evolved sluts.
I’m beside myself with anger, frustration and fear. My ex was an abusive man – emotionally, verbally, physically, and financially ruined both our one son and myself. The courts deemed him unfit to see his child without supervision. Eventually, he gave it up, never paid a nickel in support and signed as not wanting visitation with our son. This was 6 years ago, my son is now 16, and his father found him on Facebook, contacted him, and 6 weeks later my son is seeing him, working part time with him, happy as ever. He says ‘the past is the past’ and I should be happy for him, that he has his dad is back. My boy was mentally and physically hurt by him and now he’s superdad? I have medical files that I never want my boy to see because it would scar him knowing what his father did to me. But a small part of me feels that even if he knew what his father really is, it still wouldn’t make a difference. I fear for my boy’s welfare and future and I’m more fearful that my anger and feelings of betrayal by my son will drive him away. I’ve been the parent all these years and now I’m the selfish one who won’t understand a boy’s need to be with his biological father. He has a wonderful ’stepdad’ who adores my boy and vice versa but he’s not enough. I see my son going down the wrong road already. It’s like watching your child running towards the edge of a cliff, holding scissors while texting. Why do some need the attention and affirmation that they are wanted even from someone so worthless? I’m overwhelmed with pain and sadness at watching my son turn into his father. I want to throw up all the time. Other than chaining my son to his bed, any advice you could offer would be appreciated. – Desperate mom
There are several characteristics that distinguish my relationship with the Queen from every other – including my former marriage. The most significant of these is an awareness to the role I play in it.
One of my more insidious character faults is a knack for holding grudges. Revenge isn’t necessarily my taste; I’m far too insecure for such defiance. Strategic spite is more my flavor. Instead of removing your eye I prefer to irritate it; being diplomatically busy, acting a jerk at the most inopportune time, conveniently forgetting every Sunday school lesson learned. Nor do I allow these hard feelings to run empty; they stay topped off by random internal monologues, tongue-lashings that leave you lying prostrate at my feet begging for forgiveness. I get a sadistic satisfaction in imagining my enemies groveling for mercy.