It was January ’89 and I had just completed a tumultuous week of fraternity hell sealed by oath to never reveal what happened. After twelve final hours, aptly named Hell Night, of what I sometimes thought would be my death, the chaos ended in a drunken salutation that my blindfolded, beer soaked, humiliated pledge brothers and I were no longer toilet scum but members fraternally bonded in brotherhood.
Romance is very hard work; anyone who says otherwise is lying or not very good at it. To do so with reasonable hope of success demands intention, creativity, and humility. Romance doesn’t ‘just happen’ as Hollywood and Men’s Health want us to believe. The reason for this is simple, romance, before all else, is about the other person, to consider her wants and desires more than our own. Romance demands sacrifice; it means giving up things we want – something we aren’t naturally good at doing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13 4-7
There’s a saying I routinely use on my kids and employees, ‘Perception is reality.’ In other words, how someone sees the world is how the world really is, at least to them, and whose reality everyone else must cope. Granted, that perception might be distorted or entirely wrong, but it’s real until that perception is changed.
“What has he done, though?…He looked at me with a cold, severe expression. Of course that is something indefinable, impalpable, but it has never been so before, and that glance means a great deal,” she thought. “That glance shows the beginning of indifference.” – Anna Karenina